What were Julius Ceasar's last words?

Many of you have asked Gogo, what were Julius Ceasar’s last words when he was assassintated?

This is actually a very interesting question. Many believe he uttered ‘et tu Brute?” to his friend Brutus as he was stabbed in the senate chambers. This is actually not true.  Julius Ceasar’s last words were “non item zizipha tibi, Brute” which translates from the Latin as “No JuJuBes for you Brutus”. The actual words were preserved for centuries until Shakespere’s time.

William Shakespere, having met some monetary success, was looking for investments. Approached by the Irish Sweetmeats Guild, he was asked, and did, invest in the production of JuJuBe candies. Believing the negative connotation concerning JuJuBes would hurt his investment, Shakespere changed the line in his play, Julius Ceasar, to ‘et tu Brute?’.

One last note: The production of JuJuBe candy disappeared until the importation of the recipe by Irish monks to New Engalnd. New England buisnessmen thinking this candy was the greatest idea since three-legged underwear, went into production. The same factories produced ‘Circus Peanuts’. This activitiy is a superlative example of New England business prowess.

Why do people drive their cars into the water during the holiday season?

Many of you have asked Gogo why so many people drive their cars into the water at this time?

Driving into the water is actually an old Scottish tradition, most notably from the region known as Strathclyde on the eastern coast north of Northumbria. It started during the 9th century Viking raids along these coasts, when the preferred villager response was ‘throw your good stuff into the water’. This became a regular tradition at this time of year when villagers would encourage sanctified mothers-in-law to bind a burning Yuletide log to their wagon or cart and ride them off the local cliffs into the waters below. This activity was captured in a Nordic Saga by poet Thorbjorn Hornklofi:

Did you hear in Hafrsford,
How armies battled,
How noble King Harold,
Fought Kjotvi the Wealthy?
Ships sailed southward,
Thirsting for battle,
Prow-heads snarling,
And Strathclyde Bentleys with old ladies into the water.

The tradition was exported to the locals as the Vikings settled the region along the Dnieper River in western Russia. Of course, Russians being poor, efficient, and expedient in nature skipped the vehicle part and merely threw the mothers-in-laws into the river. These events gave rise to the modern saying - сохранить универсал, использовать камень, бросить старую леди, выпить водки  – loosely translated as “save the wagon, use a rock, throw the old lady, drink some vodka".

Russians picked a single location for this activity, and after 100 years announced the completion of 'Happy Marriage' Dnieper River bridge in 1041 A.D.

Further,  it is this tradition that accounts for the conversion of Russians from Roman Catholicism (as imported by the Vikings) to the Orthodox Church. The Orthodox Church, at that time, allowed for easier and more frequent divorce. More divorce, more mothers-in-laws, faster bridge building.

Where did the American barn dance term 'Hoedown' come from?

Many of you have asked Gogo, where did the American term 'Hoedown' come from?

That is actually a very interesting question! It seems, during the 1880s, there was a small town in what is now western Nevada that wanted to hold a barn dance. The American West was notorious for gunslingers, cattle rustlers, and bank robbers, and hence, the town wanted to convey safety in the naming of the dance.  One group argued for ‘Hoedown’, since a hoe turned down was safe, while another group argued for ‘Shovel-Down’. Well, that was stupid since a shovel is safe whether turned up or down. Sensing a loss of the debate the ‘Shovel-Down’ group decided to change their suggestion to ‘Shovel-Up’, which was beyond stupid, since ‘Shovel-Up’ offends all sensibilities no matter where a person my find themselves mentally. So it became settled and the term ‘Hoedown’ spread throughout the American West.

One small note. In New England they attempted to call such activities ‘Nail-Puller-Up’ which was a complete offense and failure. This is why you find no barn dances there.

How did New England gain its capital letters?



Many of you have asked Gogo, how did new england get capitalized to New England?

This gives me the opportunity to relate another interesting historical fact!

During the period incompassing Texas independence, New England was always referred to in Texas territory texts and writing as 'new england', undeserving of capitals since it was so small (less than 1/4 the land mass of Texas) and seemingly only a continuously discontent village-style region of the country.

After the Alamo – Texans (Texicans) bemoaned a serious shortage of musket mini-balls. This lament was picked up by the Boston Town Cryer and headlined as ‘Texicans Experience Shortage of Mini-Balls', whereupon new englanders responded with uncharacteristic sympathy by sending barrels of squirrel nuts to General Sam Houston. Embarrassed on behalf of the new englander's ignorance he wrote and published a thank-you note where he did indeed further the efforts to afford this region of angry villagers some unearned respect by capitalizing New England - as it has been every since.

That is why, among only themselves, Texas are heard to remark, instead of 'Remember the Alamo', 'Remember the Squirrel Nuts', and laugh like hell.

Why do we associate capital letters with big sound?

Many of you have asked Gogo, why do we associate CAPITAL letters with big sound?  Try it - BEHOLD THE POWER OF ALL CAPITALS!!!! It makes you read it loud in your head, doesn't it?



This is actually a very interesting question.

Humans first equated loudness with big and big with loudness during Turak’s rule in the first age of the pre-Summarian empire of Goth. In those days they did not have capital letters, just cuneiform and Big Cuneiform and BIGGEST CUNEIFORM. Well, obviously, if you really wanted to make an impact with what you had to say, you used BIGGEST CUNEIFORM, which resulted in huge clay tablets that had to be hauled by large carts. When posting, they were often dropped, resulting in a tremendous noise and the saying that is still used in Eastern Turkey and Northern Irag today…”that was some frigging BIGGEST CUNEIFORM”. This is why today we associate large letters with big sound.